That’s my dog, Josie. Josie is awesome. She is big and furry and looks kind of like a wolf. And she makes Chewbacca sounds. We probably should have called her Chewie. She can run all day and hold her bladder all night, and she loves to stay outside all day in the winter. Josie is obsessed with squirrels, and she even catches them sometimes.
She loves people — except mail carriers. Josie is also an excellent guard dog, because who would break into a house with a big wolf-looking dog hanging out on the front porch? And when my daughters stick their fingers in her eyes or nose, she just wags her tail and flops over on her back so they can rub her belly.
Yep, unless you are a mail carrier, a squirrel, or another dog, my dog is awesome.
It’s those other dogs that present the real problem. People seem to think that because their dog is well-behaved and friendly, they can just walk around without putting their dog on a leash. In the city. Where there are tons of other dogs. In particular, my dog.
Josie hates other dogs. She responds to other dogs with a scary levels of violence, and she is big enough and strong enough to do serious damage.
That is not actually the problem, though. I can control my dog. Within the circle of her leash, I reign supreme. The problem is your dog, the one you think is fine running around off leash. My dog has a talent for provoking dogs like yours.
You know what fighting words are? They are words so offensive that even reasonable, rational people are likely to respond to them with violence. Dogs have a lot of fighting words. Dogs will fight at the sniff of an insult, and my dog is the master of fighting words. She knows she is on a leash, and she knows she can’t get to your dog; she has to make your dog come to her. And she will. She will do anything, and say anything, to get your dog to enter the circle of her leash so she can bite its face off. No subject is off limits. Not your dog’s missing reproductive organs, the height of its pee, the consistency of its poop, the appearance of its owner. Nothing. No matter where your dog’s goat is, Josie will get it.
Your dog may be well-behaved around children and dogs who like other dogs, but in the presence of my dog’s taunting, you will not recognize your dog. It will come for Josie in a fury, and she will bite your dog’s ear off and stuff its tail through its nostril before it can sniff her butthole, leash or no leash. Once your dog has entered the circle of my dog’s leash, it’s game over.
So keep your dog on its leash. There are many dogs like mine. I cannot do anything about my dog’s obsessive hatred of other dogs, but I can control her. You, however, will not be able to control your dog in the presence of my dog, no matter how hard you try. Not without a leash, anyway.