I Could Have Won the 100-Meter Dash at the 1896 Olympics

My best time was 11.9 seconds. The 100-meter-dash winner in the 1896 Olympics was Thomas Burke, who won with a time of 12 seconds flat.

Thomas Burke, a/k/a Slowpoke
Thomas Burke, a/k/a Chump

He was also a lawyer, but I bet I’m a better lawyer than he was, too. I bet he did all his legal research in a library. With actual books.

(The New York Times put together an awesome video showing every 100-meter gold-medalist in Olympic history. The bottom line: Usain Bolt is insanely fast for a human.)

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